Town Approves Plan for District to Become Historic in 2072
'It's only a matter of time!' says Preservation Society
by Larry St. James, Staff Writer
The Chesterfield Ridge Preservation Society announced last week that in 2072, the two block stretch on Quincy Avenue between Poplar and Grove Streets will become the town’s first official historic district.
The future remnant of the past includes Just Paws Pet Grooming, Chesterfield Ridge Confections, the law offices of divorce attorney Benjamin Gold III, three baby spruce trees, a bench dedicated to the memory of Phil and Glenda Hodges, a sewer grate, and a “Four Hour Parking: 7AM to 6PM” sign. The 53-foot stretch of sidewalk, repaved six years ago, has the markings “T.G. and P.S. 4/21/99” engraved on the southwest corner of Quincy and Grove.
In an official statement on Monday, Head of the Preservation Society Ken Margaret stated the importance of securing a specified zone of historical significance this far in advance. “It’s imperative that our grandchildren and their children be able to look into to the past and realize, ‘Hey, those Chesterfield Ridge residents of long ago really cared enough about the future generations to consciously secure a piece of the present in hopes of providing the future with an assured past,’” said Margaret.
Preservation experts estimated the area would ripen historically somewhere between 2065 and 2075, a conjecture, “contingent upon on an aggressive real estate market, average levels of acid rain and a low-to-medium level risk of global apocalypse." Most see this plan as one that will enrich the lives of future residents. Said Dr. Walt Reeves, “You can be sure that people will look at that ‘Four Hour Parking Sign’ and get a good laugh at our primitive heliocentric time-telling system, that’s for sure.”
To expedite the process, the Preservation Society has proactively pursued measures to enhance the new district’s rustic charm, decorating the area with “relics of the past” by hanging permanent flyers such as “Town Hall Open House: May 29, 2019” on trees and strewing wrappers for Sweet-Dips and Lik-a-Stik, candies predicted to be far extinct in the year 2072, on the sidewalks. They have also begun to power-wash the stucco edifices of the buildings to erode any "contemporariness." Perhaps puzzled by the outdated flyer nailed to a nearby tree during a stroll down Grove Street, resident Hank McAtee was pinned to the façade of Just Paws Pet Grooming by such a furious blast, some skin and tissue peeling off in the process and becoming embedded in the crevasses of the entrance’s molding. “I’m part of history!” McAtee gleefully shouted, looking for his watch.
However, some have voiced outrage over the lengths to which the town will meticulously preserve this block. Two days ago, when ten-year old Jimmy Klein chased a stray racquetball into the now historic sewer grate and tragically fell in, the Society meddled with the fire department and prevented them from fishing him out. Others expressed the very futility of protecting these buildings at all, skeptical of their worth years from now. Said Jasper Holmes, “In 2072, when one parts ways with one’s spouse, the distribution of property will obviously be decided in a more civil manner, such as telekinetic duels to the death, or a Battle Royale in the plasma bogs of Watson Creek!”
The idea to establish an official historical district was first introduced in 1998 as a compromise for filling in then-scenic Hodges Pond with concrete amidst the still-ongoing housing development boom. In an ultimatum between the town council and the Preservation Society, the Board of Civil Betterment was to install new burgundy street signs with in an antique Chaucer font denoting specific areas of Chesterfield Ridge as historic. When both the Preservation Society and the Board learned that no such district existed, they agreed to investigate the areas of the town deemed historically significant. To avoid embarrassment after nothing of substance turned up, they arbitrarily chose the Quincy Avenue location this past June.
Currently, little remains of the original Chesterfield Ridge incorporated in 1958. After its founding by fur coat magnate Cole Chesterfield, the hamlet sprouted a humble downtown area, including a post office, a local grocer, and the Chesterfield family trapping equipment store. The original post office was completely renovated in 1979 and merged with the now defunct animal shelter, A&P bought out and sold the grocer property five years later to an upscale haberdasher, and the trapping equipment shop reluctantly closed its doors in 2004. The Preservation Society reports that the reigning oldest structure in Chesterfield Ridge is the Nickerson residence’s pool house, which itself was converted from a slaves' quarters in 1962, and next year, will in turn be progressively transformed into a maid’s residence.
