Our Town

Hi friends, dear old James Walker here with a "Corrections and Apologies" section of my own...

First off, I want to acknowledge how absolutely out of line I was at the public debate last week. It was late, and well past my bed time. I am very old. Can you find any pity for an old man? If so, there's still time for donations (rim shot!)

But seriously folks, I do extend my deepest apology to the fifteen or so citizens who were in attendance during the latter portions of the event. I think that overall, the quality and intelligence of the general discussions outweigh the crude gesticulating that went on as the night came to a close. I hope we can put that past us and together, vote for me.

As stated above, I would also like to address a few corrections of my own. First off, my daughter's criminal past is not as severe as my opponents make it out to be and whatever her mishaps, she cannot take sole blame for them as she comes from a long line of working class sludge, a puddle of primordial ooze that I was only just lucky enough to crawl out of.

Second, the reason I was (minutes) late to the debate was NOT because I pooped my pants. I won't dignify that wild accusation by responding any further. 100% false.

Finally, yes, I did slightly exaggerate my golf handicap early on in my campaign, but I have since fired the dope who encouraged me to change it in the first place and hope to God that wherever he is, he is suffering. I am a 14 handicap, dear citizens, not a 13, and guess what? I'm damn proud of it.

Aren't fresh starts wonderful?

Let's make November 2007 brand new, shall we?

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Photo of the Day!


Mayor Allenbach's breakfast is prepared and ready to be served.

"Needs more pork!"

by Carl Monday, Investigative Reporter

Let's take a look back to October 1st, 2006. It's a beautiful Sunday; children are running to and fro in the crisp outdoors, leaves are being raked, and Jean Feldman is stealing your money.

What?

That's right, the sweet woman that makes the best cupcakes in the county every year for the Stanley Tucci High School Bakesale Fundraiser has less then charitable intentions. After receiving an anonymous tip (from her ex-husband on Maple St.), I investigated the book keeping of one Jean Feldman. I was not prepared for what I uncovered.