Travel
Why Leave?
Planning a winter vacay? Our Travel columnist Kalifa Tauber says, "Why leave?"
As I write this, many of you are planning your winter get aways: the Bahamas, Europe, the American Southwest, the gold-laden California. And while most opt for fancy white sand beaches or crumbling architectural relics, I say to you this: Why not good, old Chesterfield Ridge?
For starters, it's a very easy trip. We've all done it, the air travel, if only to say, "Hey, friend, I've been in a plane before!" We've grimmaced as we wait in countless demeaning lines, having our persons searched and X-rayed and stamped. Why, some of us have even been detained and denied entry on board said aircraft (I'm looking at you, Horace!). Who needs that? To get to any of Chesterfield Ridge's various bed and breakfasts (okay, one and a half, LOL!), all one needs to do is just hop on a bicycle and scoot on over! Or for a more personal feel, how about replicating the authentic Chesterfield Ridge experience and staying in the homes of one of our natives? Many of them speak English (and if they don't they can get the hell out!) and almost all of them will have some sort of food preparation thing going on. Maybe one night they might feel a little silly and have breakfast for dinner, but then again, when in Chesterfield Ridge, do as the Chesterfield Ridgians do.
For another thing, Chesterfield Ridge is very safe, unlike the majority of places that are not Chesterfield Ridge. World War I, The Crusades, the War of 1812, The French Revolution, World War II, The Middle East....any of these ring a bell? That's right, I'm talking about WAR here (what is it good for, LOL!) and it only exists outside of our borders. In fact, it's a near scientific fact that there has never been a war in or around Chesterfield Ridge, unless you consider the Civil War, but that was a very long time ago and I doubt that anyone really cares if some general used a bunch of Chesterfield Ridge houses as meeting places, or if some guy was hanged on the spot that is now our post office. Big deal. But hey, if that's your thing, all the better! Go on a historical tour of downtown Chesterfield Ridge by following the History Trail, that revered purple line painted all throughout town, zigging and zagging its way through several decades of note-worthiness! I hear a new Future Trail is in the works for the new Historic District.
Now wait a minute, Kalifa, you're thinking to yourself, what you're saying is pretty convincing, but what about things like culture and language? You just can't get that around Chesterfield Ridge. Wrong you are, good sir! Have you never been to the Free Chesterfield Ridge library? I browsed their recently updated website and came up with a handful of best-sellers. Ever hear of The DaVinci Code? Yeah? Well they have it in paperback AND in hardcover. Why, if you were to go to all the places author Dan Brown writes about in one trip, it would cost well over $40,000 and take years! The DaVinci Code saves you a whole lot of time and money. And as for that Mona Lisa, it's all here, folks, every inch of the famously famous painting is covered in great detail. There's also this wild bit about Jesus having a baby! Try finding that on a beach in Martinique!
As for language, there are more nannies and day laborers here than you could ever need! Among them, they speak French, German, Spanish, Portuguese, and broken Portuguese! Talk about a language fiesta! Okay!
Another great thing about Chesterfield Ridge is that it's familiar. What a hassel it is wandering around some new place with a map and a fanny pack, stumbling your way through unfamiliar alleys and side streets! Who needs that? But here in Chesterfield Ridge it's: Oh Maple St.? Of course, just turn down Chestnut and make a right onto Spruce. Easy as pie! Oh, where should we eat tonight? I dunno, how about Judi's Tavern? Sure, that sounds good, their shephard's pie is great! How easy is that? So easy. Besides, there's McDonald's in most places you'd go anyway, so just get a Big Mac and pretend that you paid for it with a foreign currency (that especially works with senior citizens).
And I didn't want to mention it, but what about terrorism? Do you really want to run the risk of running into some Sultan with a bomb strapped to his head? What's worse is, they're everywhere! From Madrid to London to New York, it's a scary world out there. Except...that's right, right here in Chesterfield Ridge, where the closest you'll get to terror is the sinking feeling you get when you realize you've run a stop sign!
So this winter, why chase the sun down its well worn path? Instead, get nice and cozy in your cottage or home, or whatever you call it, and get to know your own town a little better! Okay!
