Ou-To Op-Ed
I Am Not a Number! I Am a Free Man!
by No. 6, Mayoral Candidate
I don't know how long you all have been here, or what you did to deserve this--ha, deserve, as though that solves it--but I do know this: no one here is what their buttons say they are. No one here should be content to suffer the indignities they put us through! We are not numbers and it's damn well time we let them know it!
Who is Number One? What is this place? Why are we here? These are the questions that a Mayor should be asking on behalf of his people and if elected, I shall do my best to find out...or die trying. They think they can crack us open like little walnuts, but they're damned wrong! For every one of us that they "push too far" there will be ten more of us ready to take all they can give.
I am talking about escape plans and a pooling of our resources, namely, our knowledge. After all, that is why we were brought here, is it not? They say they want "information." Well we have it, and we shall not let them have it! Oh, sure, some amongst us have already given in to their demands, but what has that gotten them? Their freedom? Hardly. They will never willingly award us our God-given freedom, so it is up to your elected leader to take it from them!
This place, this Village, it must be exposed to the rest of the world and those corrupt individuals who threaten us with hook and crook must be turned in. In their place, a new leadership whose moral radar is steady and consistent. It is time to throw off the shackles of our oppressors.
Everything we do is their choice, fellow citizens, from the clothes we wear, to the non-alcoholic gin we drink, to our sleep schedules, and I, for one, am damned sick of it all.
We must act quickly. We must mount an insurrection so powerful, so cunning, that even that damned white balloon cannot stop us! Do you hear me, Rover? You cannot stop us! We will escape! Go tell that to your superiors and let them know the sum of their little number game is worth well more than its parts. We shall be heard.
