Pravda with Mayor Allenbach
Everything's Fine!
Mayor Allenbach, contributing columnist
Greetings good people of Chesterfield Ridge! The Mayor here, just letting you know that everything is fine and that for the thirteenth straight week, the status quo has been maintained!
So keep on keep on as the expression goes and let's make this week fourteen, shall we?
Now, I know some news around town has it that I have been purposely keeping quiet about the five year anniversary of the "incident" with Monty and I realize that with the town election just over the horizon, my silence may be interpreted by some naysayers as a political ploy, but believe me, dear citizens, when I tell you that if I am quiet (and really, that is such a relative term), it is only out of grief.
Yes, it may alarm some to see through my strong, manly facade, but it's true: Mayor Allenbach has cried a time or two in his day, but never like this. Every morning I wake at precisely 8:30, the exact time of my Monty's death and I say a prayer that wherever he is, he is okay. Then I go and summon my official photographer for a photo-op as I place a wreath at the end of my driveway. And then I spend the rest of my day in quiet contemplation, thankful that the good Lord has given me the strength and power to rule this fair land.
Now, what say we just forget this incident ever happened, hm? I'll make it worth your while, friends, in the form of DRASTIC TAX CUTS! "Mayor Allenbach in 2007!" Who said that? Could it have been... Why, yes! It was Monty! Look everyone, Monty's back, here to endorse me from beyond the grave! What's that Monty? You say you want the good people to vote for me? And that their votes ensure your eternal happiness? I shall do my best, Monty. God speed.
You heard it here first good citizens, everything's just swell!
So keep on keep on as the expression goes and let's make this week fourteen, shall we?
Now, I know some news around town has it that I have been purposely keeping quiet about the five year anniversary of the "incident" with Monty and I realize that with the town election just over the horizon, my silence may be interpreted by some naysayers as a political ploy, but believe me, dear citizens, when I tell you that if I am quiet (and really, that is such a relative term), it is only out of grief.
Yes, it may alarm some to see through my strong, manly facade, but it's true: Mayor Allenbach has cried a time or two in his day, but never like this. Every morning I wake at precisely 8:30, the exact time of my Monty's death and I say a prayer that wherever he is, he is okay. Then I go and summon my official photographer for a photo-op as I place a wreath at the end of my driveway. And then I spend the rest of my day in quiet contemplation, thankful that the good Lord has given me the strength and power to rule this fair land.
Now, what say we just forget this incident ever happened, hm? I'll make it worth your while, friends, in the form of DRASTIC TAX CUTS! "Mayor Allenbach in 2007!" Who said that? Could it have been... Why, yes! It was Monty! Look everyone, Monty's back, here to endorse me from beyond the grave! What's that Monty? You say you want the good people to vote for me? And that their votes ensure your eternal happiness? I shall do my best, Monty. God speed.
You heard it here first good citizens, everything's just swell!
