E X T R A !Rash of Double Parkings Sweeps Our Town
Mayor Holds Emergency Town Meeting, Declares Martial Law ("One Helluva TV series!" Adds, "No, but seriously, if you leave your house past 8PM you will be shot.")
TOWN HALL, Chesterfield Ridge – After over 50 reported instances of double parking in the past 48 hours, Mayor Allenbach took emergency steps this morning to stop the phenomenon from continuing.
“Our message must be loud, and our message must be true,” Allenbach declared to the packed town meeting room, “These parking violations are a menace to our society, but they will not change our way of life.”
Deputy Traffic Controller Smith Gundall, currently on vacation in the West Indies, echoed the Mayors remarks in a short statement faxed to the Our Town Press offices, reading “Stop double parking, guys.”
Following the meeting, Allenbach issued an official order of Martial Law, enhancing his crime prevention powers as mayor, and making Chesterfield Ridge eligible for federal benefits. This is the seventh issuance of Martial Law in his embattled term as mayor.
Dorothy Carson, 57, said she had as many as six double parked cars at a time outside of her popular “Dottie’s Diner” establishment in downtown Chesterfield Ridge.
“I had angry customers a-hootin’ and a-hollerin’ and I couldn’t do nothin’ but tell them ‘I don’t have no keys for those cars, there’s nothin’ I can do for ya’,’” recounted a flustered, meaty Carson.
The Our Town Press will have continuing coverage of this issue both in print and at our Internet hyperlink superstore, ourtownpress.blogspot.com.
