Investigative Reporting with Carl Monday: The Trapper Stealer, Part 1by Carl Monday, Investigative Reporter
Let's take a look back to October 1st, 2006. It's a beautiful Sunday; children are running to and fro in the crisp outdoors, leaves are being raked, and Jean Feldman is stealing your money.
What?
That's right, the sweet woman that makes the best cupcakes in the county every year for the Stanley Tucci High School Bakesale Fundraiser has less then charitable intentions. After receiving an anonymous tip (from her ex-husband on Maple St.), I investigated the book keeping of one Jean Feldman. I was not prepared for what I uncovered.
What?
That's right, the sweet woman that makes the best cupcakes in the county every year for the Stanley Tucci High School Bakesale Fundraiser has less then charitable intentions. After receiving an anonymous tip (from her ex-husband on Maple St.), I investigated the book keeping of one Jean Feldman. I was not prepared for what I uncovered.
It seems the $58.42 raised at last Sunday's Bakesale did not go to bettering the education of the students of Stanley Tucci High School. Rather, Mrs. Feldman, through a scheme that owes a debt to the plot of Superman III, laundered the money to purchase a fancy new Trapper Keeper for her son Robert "Bobby" Feldman Jr. I followed Bobby day and night for the better part of a week before finally confronting him about his ill-gotten gains in the middle of his American History class. That's an investigative reporting trick: always get 'em when they least expect it. It also works in battle. He began stammering, his eyes darting back and forth between my own eyes and those of his classmates, and claimed "he" had no idea where his mother got the money to buy his new expensive all-in-one organizer. I tried to push him harder, but at that point I was escorted out of the school by two unarmed school security guards (whom I now suspect were actually paid by Mrs. Feldman). Does anyone else smell cover up?
Not satisfied, I staked outside the Feldman's house, awaiting the return of the the young Feldman. Once Bobby was dropped off from school in his driveway by the mother of his crush Tina (driving a sassy white 1996 LeBaron), my newsteam and I sprung into action, and this time I wasn't about to let a few of Feldman's enforcers strong arm me from uncovering the truth. Dodging a punch to the head, I was able to get a statement from the young Feldman before he ran into the house,"[Expletive deleted] you, news man! Leave me alone or I'm calling the cops!"
Go ahead Trapper Keeper Bobby, call your police. Just know that it won't deter Carl Monday.
Go ahead Trapper Keeper Bobby, call your police. Just know that it won't deter Carl Monday.
Come back on Tuesday for part 2 of my investigative report on the Wife Swapping Ring of Chesterfield Ridge. I'm going in. Deep.
Monday out.
Monday out.
