Holy S#@*!: TENTH NAME ADDED TO BALLOT!
Mystery Identity of 10th to be Revealed at Public Debate!
by Katherine Mills, Our Town Staff (and mother of Eric)
In an electrifying turn of events, what was once an unopposed election is now a ten-way death race! It began late last week when local handyman and 13-handicap golfer James Walker announced his entry into the election, marking the first time Mayor Allenbach has run against a living opponent in over half a decade. Then the floodgates opened.
Late this afternoon it was reported in these very pages that seven new candidates had been allowed onto the ballot despite Mayor Allenbach's frustration over the issue (the deadline was Friday evening). But a town spokesperson said today in a phone interview, "We think that this race will be good for the town. To hear issues debated, rather than dictated, will only serve the community and spark intellectual debate over our future."
Hours after the ballot was bumped up to nine, it was announced that there would be a tenth mystery name added to the list. The new unknown candidate is said to be a celebrity of decent stature with a healthy set of teeth, but no more is known. His identity will be revealed in the first public debate.
Perhaps Mayor Allenbach put it best when he commented, "This is just crazy," before closing the door to his Chesterfield Ridge home. A symbolic gesture by a man who knows his time may be up.
Mystery Identity of 10th to be Revealed at Public Debate!
by Katherine Mills, Our Town Staff (and mother of Eric)
In an electrifying turn of events, what was once an unopposed election is now a ten-way death race! It began late last week when local handyman and 13-handicap golfer James Walker announced his entry into the election, marking the first time Mayor Allenbach has run against a living opponent in over half a decade. Then the floodgates opened.
Late this afternoon it was reported in these very pages that seven new candidates had been allowed onto the ballot despite Mayor Allenbach's frustration over the issue (the deadline was Friday evening). But a town spokesperson said today in a phone interview, "We think that this race will be good for the town. To hear issues debated, rather than dictated, will only serve the community and spark intellectual debate over our future."
Hours after the ballot was bumped up to nine, it was announced that there would be a tenth mystery name added to the list. The new unknown candidate is said to be a celebrity of decent stature with a healthy set of teeth, but no more is known. His identity will be revealed in the first public debate.
Perhaps Mayor Allenbach put it best when he commented, "This is just crazy," before closing the door to his Chesterfield Ridge home. A symbolic gesture by a man who knows his time may be up.
