Our Town Science
So What's the Deal with Pluto Anyway?
by Tobias Rice, Our Town Science
by Tobias Rice, Our Town Science
By now we've all heard about Pluto's being taken off the planet list, but many of you may not understand the nitty-gritty that goes into such a decision. According to the International Astronomical Union, Pluto is now considered a Trans-Neptunian Object, or TNO, as its movements more closely resemble those of a TNO than they do a planet. This strikes some as a rather callous act because of the nostalgia we have for the pneumatic devices we learned as school children. Since being discovered at the Lowell observatory in 1930, we've all been comfortable with the idea that there were nine planets, that we, Earth, were the meat of a Mercury-Pluto sandwich. Those days, it seems are over.
But as some keen minds have pointed out, the defintions of the terms "planets" and "TNOs" are very loosely defined, so why all the animosity towards Pluto?
Well, your good pal Tobias has the inside scoop from the planetary gossip page. Turns out that Pluto was "outed" after a little "incident" (read below), and guess what certain conservative group didn't like the idea of one of their nine trophies playing seven lightyears of heaven with, ahem, like-minded heavenly bodies? You guessed it, the International Astronomical Union!
As the story goes, Pluto, a small celebrity in his own right, had some of his people hire out a well known intergalactic gigalo known as "Big Red Dwarf" to pay him a little late night visit. As the story goes, Pluto's people picked BRD up outside of a well known club near Saturn's outermost ring and made their proposition. BRD agreed and was escorted to Pluto's manse by the teensy planet's two man servants.
When BRD arrived at Pluto's gated home, he found Pluto sprawled on a leather couch wearing a wrestling singlet. BRD bowed as is customary in his profession and began a slow, sensuous dance. After several moments, Pluto asked BRD if he could wrestle with him and BRD obliged. During this time it is said that BRD and Pluto became "intimate" and twenty-six minutes later, the tryst was complete (three minutes shy of the contracted thirty). Pluto's men then escorted BRD off the premise and that was that.
Or so Pluto thought. In the days following the affair, BRD could not help bragging to Pluto's larger contemporaries, and this is what ultimately led to Pluto getting the axe. Says Jupiter, "Yeah, I remember him, little guy, right? Wore sorta tight-fitting clothes? Yeah, he come around around here running his mouth about how he made it with Pluto and how if any of us wanna get in on the action we could do it for a special discount. I told him, 'No thanks, buddy, I ain't doin' that. And that was that. I guess because I'm bigger he didn't really press the issue too much."
Of course Pluto's people want this side of the story kept under wraps, going as far as to serve Big Red Dwarf a cease and desist letter, threatening severe legal action or worse.
Pluto himself could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson had this to say at press time: "Not only are the allegations being made against Pluto utterly false, but they are also hurtful to our client's feelings. I would like to caution Big Red Dwarf against going ahead with his plans to publish a memoir of the events and to hire a lawyer before he even thinks about selling his story to anyone."
Oh, when the planets allign, what mischief they make!
Next Week, Tobias experiments with industrial solvents!
But as some keen minds have pointed out, the defintions of the terms "planets" and "TNOs" are very loosely defined, so why all the animosity towards Pluto?
Well, your good pal Tobias has the inside scoop from the planetary gossip page. Turns out that Pluto was "outed" after a little "incident" (read below), and guess what certain conservative group didn't like the idea of one of their nine trophies playing seven lightyears of heaven with, ahem, like-minded heavenly bodies? You guessed it, the International Astronomical Union!
As the story goes, Pluto, a small celebrity in his own right, had some of his people hire out a well known intergalactic gigalo known as "Big Red Dwarf" to pay him a little late night visit. As the story goes, Pluto's people picked BRD up outside of a well known club near Saturn's outermost ring and made their proposition. BRD agreed and was escorted to Pluto's manse by the teensy planet's two man servants.
When BRD arrived at Pluto's gated home, he found Pluto sprawled on a leather couch wearing a wrestling singlet. BRD bowed as is customary in his profession and began a slow, sensuous dance. After several moments, Pluto asked BRD if he could wrestle with him and BRD obliged. During this time it is said that BRD and Pluto became "intimate" and twenty-six minutes later, the tryst was complete (three minutes shy of the contracted thirty). Pluto's men then escorted BRD off the premise and that was that.
Or so Pluto thought. In the days following the affair, BRD could not help bragging to Pluto's larger contemporaries, and this is what ultimately led to Pluto getting the axe. Says Jupiter, "Yeah, I remember him, little guy, right? Wore sorta tight-fitting clothes? Yeah, he come around around here running his mouth about how he made it with Pluto and how if any of us wanna get in on the action we could do it for a special discount. I told him, 'No thanks, buddy, I ain't doin' that. And that was that. I guess because I'm bigger he didn't really press the issue too much."
Of course Pluto's people want this side of the story kept under wraps, going as far as to serve Big Red Dwarf a cease and desist letter, threatening severe legal action or worse.
Pluto himself could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson had this to say at press time: "Not only are the allegations being made against Pluto utterly false, but they are also hurtful to our client's feelings. I would like to caution Big Red Dwarf against going ahead with his plans to publish a memoir of the events and to hire a lawyer before he even thinks about selling his story to anyone."
Oh, when the planets allign, what mischief they make!
Next Week, Tobias experiments with industrial solvents!
